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CONTENTS
A. Editing Exercise (page 1)
B. Stories & Memoirs (page 2) |
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A. Editing Exercise from TeenSpeak Manual,
“Fiction and Feedback Techniques”
“Show, Don’t Tell” about Characters (Axe the Clichés!)
TeenSpeak Critiquers: You may not write stories, but this fun exercise will help you read fiction with more awareness and enjoyment. It will also help you critique your TeenSpeak authors’ manuscripts!
Tip: In Brandilyn Collins’ Getting Into Character: Seven Secrets A Novelist Can Learn From Actors, she explains: “While [fiction writers] are often tempted to overuse words, all actors have is action. An actress can’t turn to the audience in the middle of a play and explain her character’s guilt complex. She must show it.”
With that in mind, TeenSpeak has adapted the following “Show, Don’t Tell” exercise from J. Madison’s Novelist’s Essential Guide to Creating Plot. Here’s how you do it:
Instructions
Read the general statement about a character. Then, list specific actions that answer: “How do we know this general statement is true?” For example:
Statement (tells):
 Ebenezer Scrooge was a selfish penny-pincher.
Example (shows):
Scrooge eats only warmed-over soup for Christmas Eve dinner. When two people come to his door asking for charity for the poor, Scrooge replies that poor people deserve to be in workhouses!
No short-cuts. In stories, dialogue can reveal character. But for this exercise, do not use dialogue by other characters. For example, don’t have one student gossip about another: “She’s stuck up.” Instead, show her stuck-up-ness! Let us see the character in action, giving this impression.
SAMPLE RESPONSES
Your turn! Pretend you are writing a script to portray the character traits stated below. Describe two actions that demonstrate the truth of each statement—answering, “How do we know? How does it show?” Let your imagination create unusual or outlandish actions!
Jason was depressed:
When people spoke to Jason, he struggled to do small things like nod and “uh, huh” at the right times. — Megan H. (12)
In the past month, Jason had stopped talking to all his friends, had quit his soccer team, and now preferred to sit alone, doodling in his sketchbook under the willow tree. — Sarah (16)
When Jason got dumped by his girlfriend, he was so depressed he spent every day sprawled on the couch, watching TV, and eating ice cream out of a bucket. He decided to drop out of school and live the rest of his life as an ice cream truck man. — Carrie (15)
Adam was a genius:
Twelve-year-old Adam glanced around his eleventh-grade classroom, nose wrinkled to conceal a satisfied smirk. Yawning, he slid his History test into his folder, allowing the beautiful red 100% to be concealed last of all. — Rachel (16)
Amanda was a good friend:
When stealing apples, she always threw more down for Billy, who couldn’t climb trees, than she kept for herself. Also, no matter how annoying the gossip was, Amanda listened to her friend Lucy babble until Lucy was short of breath. — Melissa (19)
Jessica was afraid:
She screamed as the advancing line of spiders doubled in size and speed. — Rachel (16)
Brittany was nervous about [writers’ choice]...
(a) her exam:
Brittany sat in her desk, digging her fingernails so hard into her pencil that she left marks in the wood as she waited for her teacher to pass out the test. — Brianna (18)
(b) boys:
When Joshua and James glanced at her in the hallway, Brittany blushed and tripped over her own feet, landing head first in a locker...Brittany finally got the date she had wanted with Jared, but as she went to sip her soda, she missed her mouth and ended up dousing herself and Jared. — Megan H. (12)
Sweat beaded on Brittany’s lip as Brad approached, his hair falling perfectly as usual. — Rachel (16)
(c) her upcoming dental appointment:
When construction workers nearby began to drill into the ground with power tools, Brittany screamed “Stop tormenting me!” and started crying. — Carrie (15)
(d) flying:
Before every flight, Brittany prayed to her made-up flying god, Avius, for protection and wisdom. — Melissa (19)
(e) dying:
Brittany cloistered herself in her apartment for three years because she believed that removing herself from people would prevent her death, until she choked on a cracker with no one there to help her. — Melissa (19)
Eeek, Brittany is A WRECK. 
Thanks to all who contributed these smart, fun examples. Now watch for other examples of “Show, don’t tell” in the novels you read and critique!
To see TeenSpeak critiquers’ original stories & memoirs:
Next page »
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